Polarity Thinking: A Compass for Courageous Communication
How balancing authenticity and harmony can reshape leadership from the inside out.
Last week I joined a workshop hosted by the Colorado Nonprofit Association for nonprofit leaders ready to challenge the status quo. The facilitator Renelle Everett Darr presented a tool called The Leadership Circle. We examined this leadership development framework (and 360° assessment) that links inner beliefs to outward behavior and business results. It’s a polarity map and a tool for balancing opposing but interdependent strengths. Polarities aren’t problems to fix; they are energies to balance. The wheel creates shared language around typical tensions leaders experience on a daily basis. Polarity thinking helps leaders move from reactive habits to values-aligned action. A polarity is a healthy tension between two interdependent values that you don’t “solve,” but balance over time. Think both/and, not either/or. Over-focusing on one side creates predictable downsides, so the work is to leverage the upsides of both poles.
From Concept to Practice
What stood out to me is in using shared vocabulary to identify an area for growth, each reactive tendency points to a constructive counterbalance. So often we say there is no manual for life, how to handle hard choices, conflict, or setbacks. The wheel laid out a guideline for how to tackle moments of weakness and lean into strength.
I focused on a familiar tension of mine: when I slide into harmony-seeking to keep the peace. According to the wheel, the path out isn’t “be tougher,” it’s the counterweight: radical authenticity. Identifying a reactive habit on the wheel (people pleasing / harmony seeking) showed the opposite balance, a values-aligned way to rise above (authenticity while protecting relationships). I considered a conversation I want to have with a coworker, knowing deep inside that I would rather keep the peace than look aggressively critical. Leaning too far into one polarity, harmony, comes at the risk of inauthenticity and inconsistency.
Knowing that authenticity is needed to balance the conversation I want to have allows me to structure a conversation without prioritizing harmony over authenticity. I imagined it would sound something like…“I appreciate the effort here and can see you have spent a long time making updates. We’re still missing key brand consistency across all platforms, which puts our reliability at risk. Let’s align on one change that achieves creative freedom but also protects our core messaging.” Authentic and connective.
Growing Through Awareness
Early in my career as a volunteer coordinator, I often softened or didn’t provide feedback to stay likable. Harmony has always ranked high on my strengths assessment, which makes sense; I value connection. But I’ve learned that overplayed harmony blurs accountability. Now, when that urge to please shows up, I need to pair it with authenticity: name the truth and the care.
I am more comfortable with uncompromising authenticity when the moment calls for it the older I get and the better I know myself. It started with basic boundaries, grew into an unwavering willingness to stand up for other people, and is settling with the ability to recognize times when my comfort zone may stifle productivity. Now I make it a habit to navigate driven by values. I would not be able to do this if I weren’t aware and in tune with my own values and what feels authentic to me.
Values as a Compass
When facing an issue at work, whether it’s related to office politics, hierarchical dynamics, communication shortfalls, etc. to even begin to figure out the right direction to take, it’s essential to know your foundational values. Just like the conversation example earlier, polarity thinking gives you a way to return to your values when communication feels risky or uncomfortable. That’s the beauty of the Leadership Circle — it turns self-awareness into a map. Each polarity points you toward the version of yourself that leads with both courage and care. It’s in that balance between authenticity and harmony, courage and care that true leadership and connection begin.
Which qualities do you overplay or underplay? Check out the wheel below to see the counterbalance.
Written by Bessana Kendig — exploring the intersection of creativity, leadership, and communication
The Leadership Circle
Polarities aren’t problems to fix — they’re energies to balance.
